I was sitting here just now looking at myself after weighing myself on the scale and feeling like I need a serious kick in the toosh. I've gained 12 pounds back that I had lost this last year and if I keep up how I'm eating and not exercising right now I'm on track to gain it all back. I had trained so hard and for so long the last few years that honestly I was/am sick and tired of it. I'm burned out. But I'm also not happy with where I am. It's so frustrating to me that I'll "Get it" and have this huge burst of energy and just go hard and then I'll have times like now where I don't get it. I laze around, eat whatever the heck I want and don't workout. The real frustrating thing right now is I know that unless I start eating clean going to the gym isn't going to do a whole lot for me. It will get me in the habit of going again but I'm not going to see the results I'm used to if I don't clean up my eating habits. I know what to do, but for some reason it seems like too much to ask right now (even thought it's totally not). I'm not happy like I used to be. I mean I'm still a happy person but I'm not complete like I was when I was eating healthier and exercising. ugh. I'm hoping that by putting this out on the blog it will somehow motivate me because it's now here for any and all to read. Accountability. I was just looking through my old training papers and noticed one thing that I really suck doing when it comes to diet. Snacks. I try to only eat 3 meals a day but then find myself gorging on stupid things because I'm starving because I haven't had a protein shake, or carrots, or an apple in between meals. I gorge myself after the kids go down because I'm starving since I didn't eat the right things earlier that day. It's a horrible cycle. I'm going to visit my family in 3 weeks. I want to lose 4-5 pounds before that time. Totally doable if I can just pull my head out.
